Roles of the Wife
What are the ROLES that a wife needs to be doing in the marriage relationship? Let’s look at them:
R – Respect – Ephesians 5:33
“Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33)
Every husband needs to feel and know that his wife respects him. Nothing makes for bad morale than to feel and know that you are disrespected. Wives, don’t go there.
Family Life Weekend to Remember teaches, “Respect is a choice to receive your husband in spite of his weaknesses.”
What can a wife do to show respect to her husband? Again Family Life teaches that a wife can practice the following things:
- Unconditional respect.
- Honor him – especially before family and friends.
- Words of affirmation – show gratefulness for all he does for you.
- Praise him – Be creative here.
- Don’t criticize him before his peers. Never in a public setting.
- Listen to him tell his stories.
- Affirm his masculinity. Receive his sexual advancements.
- Support his decisions. It doesn’t mean he is always right. Allow room for failure.
O – Oneness – Genesis 2:24
We read in Genesis 2:24, “and they shall become one flesh.”
No doubt that is speaking about sexual relations, but I believe it speaking about far more. I believe its speaking about emotional, physical, mental, and social oneness. It’s the whole package for marriage that God originally intended for couples.
Wives, you play a significant role in the development of spiritual oneness in marriage. I was reading the other day that 84% of women don’t feel that they are experiencing oneness in their marriage. Okay, what are you going to do about it? Oneness won’t just happen – it takes WORK!
Wives, here are some suggestions for developing oneness in your marriage. Why wives? Because by nature women are nurturers. Wives you can push for oneness in your marriage and never obtain it, or you can nurture your marriage and develop a healthy oneness.
- Keep your eyes on God.
- Pray for your husband – The Power of a Praying Wife. (Talk with Kathy Thompson).
- Take walks together.
- Share your secrets – Let him into your heart.
- Be his greatest cheerleader.
- Treasure your man.
- Like sports (a lot of husbands do).
- Play together – Find a hobby you both enjoy.
- Protect your oneness – Keep other people out of your marriage.
- Acts of kindness – Be quick to serve your husband. There is a boomerang affect that will occur – it will come back to you.
- Prioritize him – He is to be your priority.
- Render physical affection– don’t make it a chore. See it for what it is – it develops oneness in your marriage.
L – Loyalty – Proverbs 31:11
A lot of woman are tired of hearing from Proverbs 31. There are a lot of wives that just don’t feel as if they meet the criteria of being that “Virtuous Wife” that we read in that book. Maybe that is true of you. Perhaps you feel like right now you just don’t measure up. Well, let’s not focus in on the various nuances of the passage, but let’s hone in on just one area.
Let me draw your attention to Proverbs 31:11, “The heart of her husband safely trusts her;”
Trust is a BIGGIE in marriage today. Last week I mentioned a lot of reasons why this is so. Go back and listen to that message.
Does your husband know that you are going to be loyal to him? How is loyalty spoken?
- Tell him that you will always be faithful to him. He needs to hear those words of affirmation.
- Be devoted to him – Give him your attention.
- You dress for his eyes-only.
- Remind him that he has your heart. You are a one-man woman.
- Be present. You are aware that you can be present, but not present! Loyalty really is all about showing up and being present.
Here is a biblical truth: Woman was taken from mans side, therefore be by his side.
E – Esteem – Philippians 2:3-4
“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.”
Men need the respect of their wives to have esteem. And a wife can respect and build esteem into their husbands.
- Show and Tell – Show him and tell him his worth.
- Remind him of his value.
- Hold him in high regard.
- Have a strong opinion of him.
- When making a judgment call about your husband, make it a good judgment call.
- Think the best of him, and tell him what you’re thinking.
Build your husbands esteem. Tell him through words how much you appreciate all that he does for you (and the kids if they are in the picture).
When your husband understands certain facets of you as a woman – when he has an “Aha moment” – PRAISE HIM. Let him know it when he’s getting things right.
S – Submission – Ephesians 5:22
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22)
We also read this same idea over in Colossians 3:18, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.”
We are NOT speaking about dictatorship when the Bible uses the word, “Submission.” We are taking about a word that when properly understood actually sets marriages FREE.
The word “submit” actually means:
- To subordinate.’
- To obey.
- To submit one’s self unto.
Patrick Morley in his book, The Man In The Mirror writes, “The wife’s duty is to submit to you, which is the ultimate expression of respect.” Why does everything seem to go back to respect? Because a man needs to know he is respect by his wife.
When a husband loves his wife, and a wife is submitting to her husband it does away with control issues in a marriage relationship. They labor together in oneness.
Someone once said, “No man should ever think that his wife should submit to him, if he is not first loving her.”
A woman needs love and a man needs respect. If neither receives what they need in marriage, the result is what Emerson Eggerich calls, The Crazy Cycle.
Husbands love your wives, and they will graciously submit to you, and you will receive respect. You will get what you need (respect) as you give them what they need (Love). Wives, submit to your husbands. This is God’s design.
When God created woman He took a part of Adam’s side. Eve was not taken from Adam’s head to rule over him, or from Adam’s feet to be walked upon by Adam. No, Eve (the first woman) was taken from Adam’s side, so that the two of them could forever walk together in companionship.
The wife submits to her husband. The husband submits to Christ. Christ submits to God. And all of us are to submit to one another. Submission is not a bad word. It is required in every other institution – business, government, judicial, military, and on and on and on. And it must also be a part of the institution of marriage as well.